


Second Chance for Harvey

by purpleandgreen



Series: Harvey and Jerusha [1]
Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, I'm so melodramatic!, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, POV Harvey, Romance, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:40:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27662156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleandgreen/pseuds/purpleandgreen
Summary: When Jerusha Howard moves to Stardew Valley, she only has eyes for the local doctor, but can Harvey put aside his past to accept her proposal?
Relationships: Harvey (Stardew Valley)/Original Character(s), Harvey (Stardew Valley)/Original Female Character(s), Harvey/Female Player (Stardew Valley), Harvey/Player (Stardew Valley), Original Characters - Relationship
Series: Harvey and Jerusha [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2114730
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	1. The Bouquet

**Author's Note:**

> I've been sitting on this for months wondering if I should post it. On a whim I'm posting it this evening just to get it out of my head, so to speak. Also, I hate the title so will probably change it. :)
> 
> I love Stardew Valley, (I know, I know, I'm late to every game I play) and Harvey is very sweet, and the most overlooked of all the bachelor/ettes I think, but it mentions in his notes that there's a sadness to him. I thought I'd give him some past trauma and see how he copes. 
> 
> Not very well most of the time, but he's been through a lot, give him time. 
> 
> I've read every Harvey fanfic out there I think, if you feel this has any similarity to your work, please know that it is not intentional, and your works have inspired me so much, I can't thank you all enough.
> 
> I hope you enjoy, I was thinking of writing a chapter from Jerusha's PoV, let me know if that's something you'd like.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is finished, but I thought I'd post it in chapters as it's a bit long for a single chapter
> 
> Here's the first one. Hope you like it!

I can’t sleep.

I’ve been lying here for hours now. I’ve got so much work to do tomorrow, but my mind is ablaze with the events of the previous couple of days.

I keep going over and over in my mind what happened. This kind of thing just doesn’t happen to men like me.

Firstly, I can’t believe she gave me a bouquet.

Me. A bouquet.

It’s been a good while since she came into the clinic for that first check-up, her heart racing. She’d blamed it on being nervous, I had presumed she wasn’t a fan of hospitals or medical procedures. I was oblivious as to the real reason.

She would laugh about that. Later.

A longer while still, since she’d moved into that wretched tumbledown wasteland of a farm in west Pelican Town and our first ever meeting. Turning up unannounced at clinic with Mayor Lewis as chaperone.

Talking to her was surprisingly simple. She had such a way of putting you at ease. She’d been delighted with my accent.

“Doctor Harvey” Mayor Lewis declaimed authoritatively, “Might I introduce you to our new resident?”

“Jerusha Howard, pleased to meet you.” She’d held out her hand in greeting.

“Hi Jerusha, I’m Harvey. Doctor Harvey. Doctor Harvey Brennan. Harvey to you.” Just shut up Harvey. I gritted my teeth and breathed in deeply, “I’m the doctor here.”

“You’re British!” She’d clapped her hands in delight, “I love your accent!”

I was blushing to the roots of my unruly hair, “Only half. My Mum was from Zuzu City. I was sent to live with my father’s family in Manchester after… “ I faltered, “After she died.” Her face crumpled into a concerned frown, “I came here to attend med school in Zuzu and did my residency at their hospital. Now I’m here, in this beautiful valley. I hope you’ll be very happy here.”

Mayor Lewis looked shocked. I blushed again. I’d never been so verbose with anyone else in the town before, and certainly never discussed my family with anyone here. I kept very much to myself and very rarely broke any professional boundaries with my patients and clients.

“And how long have you been here?” Jerusha asked, her head cocked to one side as if she was working me out. I stepped back a little as I looked at her properly for the first time. Yoba, she’s gorgeous. Long dark hair streaked with copper tucked charmingly behind one ear to show off her profile; eyes of grey with a friendly and mischievous gleam and long lashes that when she looked down led the eye to her beautiful lips, with deep dimples in the cheeks when she smiled. And she smiled often and laughed oftener.

And that was it. I barely remembered the rest of the conversation. I’d never fallen so hard or fast before and it shocked me. I was head over heels for this newcomer to the valley. I was scared that my professional life would suffer from my pathetic and I presumed, unrequited obsession.

So, after that initial meeting, I remained at a professional distance. Treating her for minor scrapes and fevers like everyone else in Pelican Town, with a cool detached professionalism that ensured no improprieties ever happened.

Well, from me anyway.

It seemed to me that Jerusha had other plans. It became her intention to make friends with everyone in the town, and of course, that included me.

She often appeared at clinic when I was opening, before Maru arrived, with a small gift to start my morning. Coffee, black and strong - lovingly prepared in a flask to keep it hot, or a jar of pickles, a welcome addition to my meagre (and unhealthy - Harvey, you hypocrite) diet. Other times, she’d just drop in for a casual chat. At long last I started to relax in her presence, though my anxieties gnawed at me and self-doubt worried at my heels constantly.

I didn’t dare hope that any of these gestures meant anything more than friendliness, she was well known for her generosity within the community, but sometimes I caught her staring at me, sometimes her touch on my hand lingered a little longer than was necessary when she handed me a coffee, sometimes she leaned in a bit too close as we were talking…

Then, a full year later of wishing and wondering - the bouquet.

It was a quiet day in the clinic. Outside, spring had fully begun. The verges green and blooming with flowers, birdsong a gentle background to the rising heat of the day. I had no appointments booked and it looked unlikely that there would be any walk-ins that morning. In a town with so few residents it was tough to make ends meet as a medical professional. I would have to tighten my belt a bit over the next season to keep afloat.

I had closed up for the day, a little earlier than usual , eaten some awful microwave dinner, and was settling to read a book as the sun went down, when I thought I heard a timid knock at the door. I ignored it, if it was an emergency, people were a lot more persistent. This did not seem like an emergency. My room was so warm and the medical report I was reading so engrossing so I presumed that whomever it was could wait until the morning.

Yet there it was again. Quiet but insistent. Sighing, I put my book down and went downstairs.

Opening the door, I was greeted by the sight of Jerusha, Pelican Town’s newest farmer, soaking wet from the rain that had started without my noticing.

“Miss Howard!” I gasped, “Please come in out of the rain! What’s wrong? Are you ill?” She was shaking, I thought with cold, the evenings were still chilly in the Valley, not warming up until later in the season. 

“Th-Thank you Harvey.” She stuttered. That really worried me. She was usually so confident, so easy-going.

Jerusha stood as if paralysed, face pale and water dripping from her hair, seemingly unable to speak. Eventually from behind her back, she produced an ENORMOUS bunch of flowers and practically threw them at me.

“Harvey, I’m told this is how they do things here so… here…”

I stepped back, uncertain of exactly what she meant. Of course, I had been in Pelican Town long enough to understand what a bunch of flowers meant when given from one resident to another, but surely, here, she’d misunderstood? This was just another one of her gifts – wasn’t it?

We stood, as if frozen for the longest minute, the proffered flowers in her hand suddenly drooped as a realisation dawned on her, “You don’t feel the same.”

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.

“It’s ok.” Her voice cracked a little when she spoke, “You don’t feel the same. That’s fine. I should have known. I thought you were just too shy to ask me out, so I thought I’d make the first move. It’s fine.” She repeated dismissively, “Please, let’s just never speak of this again and carry on being friends? Please?”

Gently, not trusting myself to speak, I took the flowers from her hand. Put them on the clinic counter and returned to her in a couple of steps. I took her cheek in my hand and kissed her chastely, and barely, on the forehead.

She crumpled into my arms and the tension we’d been holding for months, (a year? Had it really been a year?) released. Her legs gave way and I held her close to my chest. “You complete bastard. I thought you had been leading me on all this while! I can’t believe you made me wait for an answer like that! I could hardly breathe!” She’s laughing now and crying all at once and I’m holding her, without realising murmuring her name into her ear, over and over. She feels so small in my arms, I don’t want to let her go, I want to stay like this for ever.

Finally, she breaks away, “I’m starving” She gasps, “I haven’t been able to eat all day!” She takes my hand in hers, “Harvey, would you like to have dinner with me?”

I blurt out a small laugh but my anxiety kicks in immediately, it’s 8.30pm, I’ve got a mountain of paperwork to complete in the morning, I haven’t showered, there’ll be people there, What if Marnie is there? The gossip will be horrendous and it’s Friday, Yoba, the whole village will be there. What if I say the wrong thing? What if Jerusha realises that she’s made a terrible mistake? What if I’m a huge disappointment?

Surprisingly, only a single word tumbles from my lips.

“Yes.”

She giggles and pulls me to the door, (sweet Yoba, is this really happening?) and we stumble across the town square to the saloon.

As we enter, I’m relieved to see that there are only few people in the bar. Clint and Willy are deep in conversation, and Pam is propping up the bar in her usual spot but is a little too worse for wear to notice anything. I make a mental note to have a quiet chat with her again at some point. She hates me for my concern, but I wish she’d at least cut down, for her daughter’s sake. Shane, next to the jukebox raises his eyebrows when we approach the bar; but remains silent.

Jerusha orders spaghetti, salad and a glass of wine. I order a Joja Cola, I can’t trust my stomach. I feel like I might throw up.

We take a seat in a quiet corner and wait for our orders. Jerusha is smiling at me, but I can’t think of a damned thing to say. I still can’t quite believe this is happening. I’m sure I’ll wake up in a minute alone in my single bed.

Gus brings over food and drinks. I nurse my drink while Jerusha eats.

“So,” Jerusha looks at me over the top of her wine glass, “When did you know?”

“Know?” I’m confused.

“When did you know that this” She gestured between us with her fork, “Should be a thing that we do?”

I smiled, “You really don’t want to know.”

“Oh, but I do!”

“I liked you the first moment I met you.”

“Yoba! That’s over a year ago Harvey! We could have been doing this a LOT sooner if you’d spoken up!” She laughed delightedly and I melted a little inside.

“It’s been a really long time for me, and I thought it was unprofessional. Besides, I didn’t dare dream that someone as gorgeous as you would ever, I mean,” I feel myself blushing deeply, “That you’d probably turn me down anyway. I, I thought it was hopeless.”

“Thank you for the compliment, but the admiration is very much reciprocated.” She took a gulp of her wine, her eyes lowered avoiding my shocked expression. Eventually she looked back up at me and smiled, “I happen to think you’re an absolute catch.”

It was my turn to bury my nose in my drink. It’s been such a long time since any woman had even looked at me in a manner rather than professionally, I had no idea how to respond. Her hand reaches across the table and brushes her thumb against my wrist. The intimacy is at once shocking and welcome, something I’d been craving for Yoba, years, it’s almost too much to handle. I concentrate hard to steady my breathing.

We’re interrupted by Kent, who lurches over to our table, “What’s this White Feather? A date?” He ignores Jerusha, and leans heavily on the table, peering at me through bleary eyes. He sways slightly and I realise he’s very drunk.

“Kent.” I begin gently, but he’s not to be reasoned with, jamming his face close to mine, “I’m gonna fuck you up one day, you know that?”

He turns to Jerusha, “Stay away from this piece of shit, farmer lady. You don’t wanna get mixed up with his kind.” He turns back to me, his manner getting more aggressive by the second.

“Problem Dr Harvey?” Gus is standing behind Kent.

“Hey Gus, no, no problem.” I’m much taller than Kent and have dealt with lary patients more times than I care to remember in my days in the ER. He was quite drunk, and I’d have no trouble restraining him if things got physical.

Kent turns to Gus with a leering smile, “No, no problem at all, we’re good friends me and the doc.” Gus makes no sign of moving, so Kent reluctantly moves away, “Catch you later Doc, farmer.”

“You okay Doc?”

“Yes, Gus. Thanks for stepping in.”

“No problem, all part of the service.”

He saunters away, years in the bar trade making him completely unflappable.

“What was that about?” Jerusha looks a little shocked. The town is usually an uneventful, rather gentle place to live, displays like Kent’s were jarring.

“Um, Kent doesn’t like me.”

“Why ever not? You’re his doctor!”

“Actually, I’m not. Kent sees Sarah Goldberg over in Grampleton. It’s fine.”

I don’t want to talk about the real reason Kent doesn’t like me to Jerusha just now. I will tell her, but tonight is not that time.

We talked, mainly about nothing, she told me about her struggles as a newish farmer and I listened, fascinated by how much she’d learned until Gus called last orders.

I gulped, “Yoba, it’s really late. I’ve got a ton of paperwork to do tomorrow. Is it alright if we call it a night? I’m so sorry.” I glanced up hopefully into her grey eyes. “If it’s okay, can we, would you like…?”

“To do this again?” She finished my stumbling question for me, “Mmm, yes please!” She became suddenly serious, “I’m looking forward to getting to know you much better Harvey. I have a really good feeling about you and I. Do you remember when you told me about wanting to be a pilot when you were a boy?“

I nodded gulping.

“That’s when I knew.” She smiled, looking up at me through those beautiful lashes.

There is a short silence between us. I can’t process the emotions flowing through me right now.

“Can I walk you home?” I interrupted the silence, words coming out in a rush.

“I’d love that.”

I walked her out of the saloon, into the cool night. She slipped her hand into mine as we left the town square. That small contact was overwhelming. I hadn’t had sustained bodily contact with, well anyone, for the longest time. Not since…

“Welcome to Barrowbank Farm! I’d invite you in” She smiled mischievously, “But I know you need to get home and rest to finish up your work, and I’m not going to be the reason you get struck off! I’ve got a million things to do here in the morning anyway.”

I looked around at the farm, dimly illuminated with tiki candles. “Did, did you do ALL this?” I asked astonished. The farm had been derelict for so long, but now it was organised, fruitful, tidy and full of life.

“Yup. Don’t you love it? I’m stubborn and I’ve found out that farm life really suits me. I want to make a home here, and I’m working hard to make sure that that home is the best it can be for me and…”

She tailed off then recovered, “for me and Bear!”

“Who?” For the umpteenth time today, I’m confused.

“Bear! Come here boy!”

A beautiful German Shepherd dog comes bounding towards us and greets Jerusha like a long-lost family member. He allows me to scritch his ears and I’m immediately smitten.

“So, how about Monday?” She asks as I fuss her companion.

“I can’t, I’m afraid. I’ve got an all afternoon conference call with some colleagues from Zuzu City about some new guidelines for local MDs. I’ve got clinic all day Tuesday. How about Wednesday?”

“Sounds great! Why don’t you drop in for lunch? I’ll cook some fresh produce for you! Come over around 12.30.”

I stand up and realise that she is very close to me, her face turned towards mine. I can almost feel her breath on my lips, heavy with expectation and a shiver runs through me.

I take her gently by the shoulders, “Jerusha,” She leans into me further, “I’d like to take this very slowly, if we may? I said it’s been a while for me, I want to be, I want you to be sure that this next step is something that is good for us both. I had a very rough time a few years ago, and I’m still a bit fragile. Can you give me that? Don’t say yes if you can’t. It’s best to stay friends if you wanted something…” I gulped, “Short term”

“Harvey.” She places her hand on my cheek and I shiver, my resolve almost crumbling, “I waited the best part of a year for you. I think you’ll be worth a little wait longer. Goodnight Harvey.” She said, drawing me into a tight hug.

“Goodnight Jerusha.” I returned the squeeze, my nose buried in her sweet strawberry-scented hair headier than any wine.

“Come on Bear.” She whistled to the adorable dog and I watched them disappear into the farmhouse. I caught a glimpse of the inside, it looked warm and inviting and it took all my strength to turn my collar to the chill of the night and trudge home through the dark and into my small apartment and even smaller bed.

And that was Friday.


	2. "Imagine having a patient's life completely in your hands, and failing to keep them alive... that's something that will haunt you forever"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Linus brings a patient to Havey's clinic.

It’s Sunday now. I’ve managed to clear the backlog of my overflowing IN tray that was threatening to take over my desk. 

I fell into bed later than usual. I thought I’d go straight to sleep, but inevitably my thoughts turned to Jerusha. 

There’s a lot we didn’t know about each other. I wasn’t sure if she knew my full story that she’d want anything to do with me. 

It was 2.30am and my eyes were finally starting to close when there was a loud sound at the door of the clinic, as if someone was trying to kick the door in. 

My eyes snapped open. I struggled out of the duvet, which seemed to have wrapped itself around me during my sleepless tossing and turning, ran downstairs and wrenched open the front door to see Linus, who lives in the tent on the mountain. In his arms was a form, wrapped in a blanket.

“Doc?” His face is pale, “I found her at the mouth of the mine. It’s… it’s really bad. The slimes...”

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no.

I tried to let calm professional me take over, I nearly succeeded. “I’ll take her, Linus, you did well to wrap her up. That slime is really toxic, you didn’t get any on you, did you?”  
“No doc.” He croaked, “I ran back to the tent to grab the blanket and brought her straight here.”

“You did the right thing.” I patted his shoulder but needed to take the patient off him as soon as possible. “I’ll take it from here. Don’t worry. She’ll be fine.” 

He heaves his burden into my arms and with an apologetic smile I close the door and got the bundle into the clinic and laid it gently on the examination table. With shaking hands, I uncovered the face of my patient and all my worst fears were realised.

Jerusha.

There is slime everywhere, and everywhere she is covered with cuts and bruises, some will need stitches, but there’s a more pressing matter, if any of the slime toxin had got into her blood stream, Yoba, she might not see the dawn. 

I needed to get her clean as soon as possible wash this slime off. Using a pair of surgical scissors, I set about the grim task of cutting off her clothes making sure that I had on my clinic coat and the thickest pair of gloves I could find. 

I unlaced her work boots and removed them and her socks, there was even slime on the soles of her feet. I cut her jeans off and (Yoba is she carrying a sword?) then her top and bra as quickly as I could. I picked her up again in my arms and took her upstairs to my apartment and the shower. I turned the shower on full blast and laid her on the shower floor. I tried my best to wash the sticky toxic mess from her body. In some places the slime had burned through her skin leaving painful looking welts but eventually she was clean and free of the poison. The stuff was even in her hair leaving it a slickened mess, so I grabbed my shampoo and started to wash it out.

Suddenly her body stiffened in my hands.

My heart leapt into my mouth. 

She’s fitting.

There are flecks of foam in the corners of her mouth, I silently thank Yoba for a well kitted out clinic. I pick up her stiff form and run back downstairs to the exam table. I hook her up to a heart monitor and begin filling a syringe with anticonvulsant when the heart monitor goes crazy. 

Cardiac arrest.

Shit. 

If I can’t restart her heart back to its rhythm, I’ve lost her forever. I set my mouth in a determined line. 

That’s not going to happen.

I wrench the defibrillator off the wall, peel the backs off the stickers and attach one to her chest and the other to her side. Breathing heavily and trying to still my nerves, I press the button and wait for the automated voice to tell me to apply the shock. 

Her back arches as the first shock hits, but her heart is still beating out of rhythm.

I prep again, waiting an interminable minute while it recharges.

This time it works. Her lips, starting to blue, return to their red colour, blood comes back to her cheeks and she breathes. The beeping of the heart monitor returns to a recognisable rhythm.

I fall on her, my face in her neck, “Oh thank Yoba, thank Yoba” I mutter, but she’s not out of danger yet.

I call for an ambulance on the clinic phone. There’s only so much I can do here, but I cannulate her and get some fluids into her, including the anticonvulsant. She still hasn’t gained consciousness yet, and her breathing is laboured. I get her on oxygen and put her in a gown. 

The ambulance from Zuzu took over an hour to arrive. I can’t sit around and wait I have to do something, so I put her in a gown and start to stitch up the worst of the wounds and clean up the blood. I try and make the stitches as small and neat as possible to lessen the possibility of scarring. 

When the ambulance arrives, Jerusha’s’s looking much better. She still hasn’t awoken, but her heart rhythm is steady and slow and she’s breathing on her own without the oxygen mask.

“Looks like you’ve got everything in hand here doc.” The lead member of the ambulance crew observes.

“I thought it best for her to be seen at Zuzu General, she’s going to need some care that I can’t give here.”

“Quite right. Well, you can leave it with us from here on in. You can get some rest.”

“Um, can I come with her? I’d like to make sure that she’s comfortable on the journey.”

“Sure thing Doc, glad of the help. Hop in!”

Jerusha is stable on the journey to Zuzu. She unbelievably strong, I muse to myself. The fact that she’s still breathing is some sort of miracle. I’d seen what she’d accomplished on the farm, alone. There was so much strength in that compact (now's not the time Harvey) body. I hoped she would be ok. For selfish reasons as well as medical ones. 

When we arrived at the hospital, I was asked to wait in the waiting room while the emergency doctors stabilised her. It was 9am before a nurse came out to see me. 

“You can go in and see her now, she’s awake, but she’ll need around a week to recover properly. You know Dr Brennan, you saved her life. She wouldn’t be here this morning if it weren’t for you.”

A judder went through my body at that. The thought of losing her, the idea of not talking to her or holding her again; of never seeing her smile, before we’d had a chance to explore what was happening between us; I could feel myself welling up. I took a deep shivering sigh and watched the nurse leave the waiting area. When I was sure she was gone, I reached into my pocket and extracted the small bottle I kept there for moments like these. I shook 2 xanax into my hand and swallowed them with a sip of the water bottle I’d bought from the vending machine.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped into Jerusha’s room.

She looks so pale lying there amongst a barrage of wires and tubes surrounded by machine noises. I wanted to bundle her up in my arms but instead I smiled brightly at her, “Well, how’s the patient?”

She smiles weakly, but genuinely at me, and I suddenly feel lighter. As if a weight has been lifted. 

“You saved my life.”

“Just doing my job.” I replied lightly. “How are you feeling?” 

“I hurt everywhere, and I’m really, really tired.” 

“Easy for you to say, resting up in that comfy bed”

She laughs then winces, “Ouch. Don’t make me laugh. I’ll bust my stitches.”

I sit down on one of the plastic chairs next to the bed, “Do you remember what happened?”

“Yeah, well, bits of it. I was working in the mines when I came to a floor I’d never been to before. Yoba, Harvey, there were so many slimes there. And a couple of giant ones. I’ve never seen so many. I managed to get a couple of them with my sword, but there were too many. They were all over me and, and, no, that’s all I remember.” 

“Linus found you and brought you to me, wrapped in a blanket. Really, it’s him you should be thanking for your life. He’s the one who rescued you. If he hadn’t…”

I tailed off, not wanting to take that thought any further or upset Jerusha.

It didn’t matter because her eyes were fluttering shut and she was falling asleep. I realised that I was exhausted too. I linked my fingers between hers and allowed myself the luxury of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hopeI got the medical details right in this- ish!


	3. Your Health is Important to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey runs into an old colleague. 
> 
> It doesn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter!

It was less than an hour later when another doctor appeared and woke me up. 

He’d shut the door to Jerusha’s room as quietly as he could, but it still woke me.

I jumped in my seat and exhaled when I remembered where I was. I scrutinized the new visitor. 

“James? Are you still working here?”

“Harvey! When they said a Dr Brennan was here, I thought it must be you.” He shook my hand, after I’d hurriedly extricated it from Jerusha’s.

“Is this your wife?” He smiled but there was something else behind the smile. 

Contempt. I couldn’t blame him.

“No.” I was blushing.

“Girlfriend?” 

“No. Yes. Barely. It’s… new.” I offered. Feeling worse by the second.

There was a silence. James Kendrick had been in my year at med school. He was brilliant and top of all our classes. I hadn’t seen him in over 5 years, and this had been the last thing I expected. We hadn’t been close friends, but he knew enough about me to make this extremely uncomfortable.

“Are you her lead doctor?” I try and steer the conversation on a professional level.

“No, I’ll be in to see her properly later. I’m in cardiac now. Love it. I hear you’re in Pelican Town. How’s that going for you?”

“It’s quiet and small. I like it.”

“Probably for the best eh?” He nodded towards the sleeping figure of Jerusha, “Does she know?”

Squirming in my seat, “No.”

“You going to tell her?”

“James, when I told you this is new, I meant it. It’s barely been three days.”

“Harvey.” He looked at me almost pityingly, “This isn’t for you. You need to tell her. She deserves to know the full story.”

“James,” I hissed, “Yoba, you think I’d keep that from her? Do you really think so little of me that you think I’d try and deceive her?”

He looked me in the eyes, “Yes Harvey. That’s how little I think of you. You were lucky to keep your licence. I would have been happy to see you kicked out of the profession forever.”

I want to speak - to defend myself but knew anything I said would sound lame. 

The door opened again, and another doctor entered.

“James!” She exclaimed in surprise, “I didn’t know you’d be taking over so soon!” 

He laughed, “Hi Tadita, no, she’s all yours I’m afraid for the moment. I’ll be in to see her in an official capacity later. Just came to say hello to an old friend from med school, way back when.”

He turned back to me, all smiles and conviviality, “Well Harvey, it was nice to see you again. I’m sorry that I won’t be taking you up on that offer of a drink.” He clapped me on the back and wrung my hand, “Seriously, tell her, or I’ll find a way” he said under his breath. 

He left the room bidding a cheery goodbye to the new doctor, who turned to me, “Are you okay? You look a little pale.”

I hadn’t realised I was shaking. “I’m just exhausted. I’ll be fine. How’s Jerusha doing?” I changed the subject as quickly as possible. 

“She’s doing extraordinarily well. She’s not out of the woods yet. She’ll be seeing the cardiac team later, as you know. I thought she’d be in here for a couple of weeks when I read her case notes, but she’s making great progress, even over night. I think she has your quick actions to thank for that.”

I looked at the floor.

“She should be able to go home after a few days, all being well.”

“That’s great news Doctor. Um, look, I’m going to have to get home to my clinic. Can you tell her I’ll be in again this evening to visit?”

“Sure thing Doc. We’ll let her sleep for now, but when she wakes, I’ll let her know. Are you the next of kin?”

“No, I…” I realised that I didn’t know anything about her family, and how they should be contacted if things took a turn for the worse.

“She’s one of my patients. It’ll be on her case notes. I’ll let you know as soon as I get back.”

“Well, thank you doctor, you saved her life, you should be really proud.”

Tell James Kendrick that I say in my head.

“Out loud, I repeated what I’d said to Jerusha, “You know what it’s like, we’re just doing our jobs. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye Doctor”

I threw caution to the wind and kissed Jerusha’s hair. She still smelled like my shampoo, “I’ll see you later love” I murmured in her ear. 

I took the bus back to Pelican town and finally fell through the clinic door at around 2pm. 

Maru was expecting me after I called her on the way home. I was glad she’d waited around; I needed her help in sorting the next few days out. 

“Dr Harvey!” She exclaimed when I stumbled through the door, more tired than I ever remembered being, even when I worked in ER, but I was much younger then. No time for sleeping though, now, I had some things to organise for Jerusha.


	4. It feels good to know that you're useful!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jerusha is stuck in hospital.Who will look after the farm? James Kendrick stciks his nose in where it's not wanted.

After a couple of hours of telephone calls, calling in favours and getting Maru to help with lists, we managed to get a plan together for Jerusha, the farm, the animals and, of course, Bear, and how to keep things going until she was able to come home.

Shane and Alex were going to take charge of the outside work on the farm, Shane in the morning and Alex in the evening. Maru, with the permission of Robin and Demetrius, was going to ‘foster’ Peter Barker, Marnie would ensure that the feed was stocked up, Caroline, Jodie and Penny said they’d take care of the house and anything that needed doing there. Lastly, Mayor Lewis popped into the clinic as Maru and I were finishing up, and to my surprise dropped the keys to his beloved truck on the clinic counter. 

“You can have the truck until Jerusha comes out of hospital Figured you’d want to go visit and the bus service round here is sub-par to say the least, (please don’t tell Pam I said that). Just keep her filled with gas and get her back to me safely eh?”

I gulped, “Lewis, this is too much.”

“Nonsense. Anything to help!”

“Th-thank you.” I shake his hand and he leaves.

“Well” said Maru, her elbows leaning on the counter and a smile on her face, “Better hop to it Doc!” 

“What?”

“Get in that truck and go and check on Jerusha! I’ll finish up here and lock up. Don’t worry about anything, I’ll sort everything from here on in. Oh! I almost forgot, I’ve booked you some cheap accommodation in Zuzu City, the address is here.” She handed me a piece of paper,” You’re not to come back here until you bring Jerusha with you. I’ve already booked a locum from Grampleton to take over your clinic for the next week."

“Maru,” I run out of words. Everyone has been so kind. Instead I fold her into a hug, “Thank you my friend.”

“Just go get her Doc!” 

I drove Mayor Lewis’s Truck back to Zuzu City and parked it at the hospital. I raced to Jerusha’s room and was astonished to see her sitting up in bed, many of the wires and tubes that had adorned her earlier had been removed.

“Harvey.” She breathed as I timidly entered the room. I felt a stir in my stomach as I approached. She looked extremely pale with dark rings under her eyes, “Hey beautiful,” My voice had become a whisper for some reason, “How’re you feeling now?”

“I’m still tired. Feel like I could sleep for a week, but the docs are happy that I’ll make a full recovery.”

I squeezed her hand, “I never doubted it for a moment.”

“Harvey?”

“Yes?” I kissed her hair needing to show my relief in some way.

“Mr Kendrick was here.”

I froze, “Okay.”

“He, he wouldn’t say much, but he, um, warned me off?” 

I inhaled sharply.

“You, I mean, he warned me to keep away from you. He doesn’t much like you. Is there something you need to tell me?”

I rubbed the back of my neck nervously. I wasn’t going to lie to her, but this was neither the time nor the place to discuss my past. 

“Jerusha,” I whispered into her hair, “There is a reason I wanted to take things slow. But, for the moment, I just want you to get better. Please, I promise, full disclosure when you’re out of here. I was planning on talking to you, it’s just that a couple of things got in the way.” My lame attempt at a joke fell flat.

She shifted in the bed and looked into my eyes, “Harvey, short of you murdering someone, there’s not much that could change my feelings towards you.”

“Well, I can promise you that there’s definitely no murder involved. How’s that?”

She smiled weakly, “It’ll have to do… for now.”

I sat down on the visitor’s chair next to the bed and considered her words, “Jerusha, how about, until you’re better, I’m here in strictly friend capacity only? Just me, here, supporting a friend who’s had a rough time until we can sort this out? I don’t want you to worry about anything except getting well and getting back to Barrowbank.”

She smiled, though there were tears in her eyes, “I think that would be for the best. Thank you, Harvey.” 

My heart cracked a little at her ready acceptance, but I smiled at her, “No problem.”

We chatted a little and I checked her charts and notes. All seemed to be going in the right direction, there were some meds she’d be on for a while, but I was pleased with her rapid progress.

“Well,” I said far more brightly than I| intended, “Everything is looking great. I’ll let you get some rest, and I’ll be here in the morning to check up on you. Behave yourself while I’m gone. Is there anything you need?”

“Harvey, the farm…?”

“Oh, I almost forgot, Maru and I have sorted it all. Your farm will be under the best possible care until you return. You’re not to worry about a thing.”

She relaxes back into the pillows. “Thank you, Harvey. You’re good friend.”

My stomach twisted at the word ‘friend’ that she had slightly over emphasised, but I kept the tone light.

“Always.” I said, “Right, I’d best be off. I’ll be back in the morning to see how you are. Sorry, did you need anything bringing tomorrow?”

“I don’t think so. Thanks again.”

It’s at that moment that a nurse arrives, “Hi Jerusha. Just going to do your blood pressure. Oh hello!” She turns to me then back to Jerusha, “Husband?”

Jerusha reddens and shakes her head. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” I can’t get out of there quickly enough. “Goodnight Jerusha”

“Goodnight Harvey.”

I drove to the very dingy hotel that Maru had booked for me. I’d swung by a take-away on the way and bought some food to eat in the hotel room, but when I got there, the weight of the previous 18 hours crowded in on me. I was exhausted and couldn’t even bring myself to eat. Unbidden, tears started to form and before I knew it I was sobbing. 

I’m a doctor, I knew it was the exhaustion, anxiety and the events of the previous day, making me emotional, but my visit to Jerusha and the news she gave me had taken a toll as well. 

Damn you James Kendrick.

I took a further couple of Xanax and clambered into the single bed, feeling lonelier than I’d felt in a long while. 

I woke just a couple of hours later drenched in sweat and shaking after a nightmare. It was the same nightmare I’d had for seven years now, and it followed a similar pattern, a tiny room and unseen hands holding me down, pain and desperation, fighting to get away and for air, a woman crying, betrayal.


	5. Don't get too exhausted, or you might end up at my clinic!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jerusha leaves hospital but where now for her and Harvey's budding relationship?

The next week went by uneventfully. Jerusha continued to improve by the day and though her stay in hospital wasn’t as uneventful as we had been originally led to believe, the following Tuesday she was ready to leave and return to the farm. 

I picked up her medicines for her from the pharmacy and carried her small bag of belongings to Lewis’s truck. Things had become increasingly strained between us over the last week, but I had vowed to stay and support as I had promised.

So I did.

Because I wasn’t ready to give up on this. I knew that it was probably in vain, but something in my heart didn’t want to admit it just yet. I dreaded the conversation we were going to have to have, as I vowed to make good on my promise to her. I knew that it would change things drastically for her, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to cope getting through the revelation. Nothing could be worse than the ignorance she surely was in now. She was most likely imagining the worst of all scenarios.

Jerusha insisted on walking by herself to the truck, even though a wheelchair was offered. She was still pale and a little wobbly, but the dark circles under her eyes had gone and she was smiling more often.

I offered my arm as we crossed the car park, but she politely declined, “I’m not an invalid Harvey. I can make it to the truck.” She gazed across the expanse of cars, “I think.”

She did make it. I had no doubt that she wouldn’t. She set her mouth in a stubborn line and took a deep breath. She stumbled once and I hastily threw my arms around her waist.

She tutted, “Harvey, I’m fine. Please let me do this.”

I gasped, “I’m sorry.” 

In silence, we drove out of the car park taking the highway that would lead us back to the valley.

I was extremely uncomfortable. Just a week ago we had chatted so amiably and easily in the Saloon. The future had seemed so full of promise and now, I felt that Jerusha was a stranger. 

“Harvey…”

“Yes?” I kept my eyes on the road ahead, not daring to look at her.

“I don’t think I ever thanked you. For saving my life. Not properly anyway.”

“Jerusha, I’m a doctor. It’s what we do. I’m glad that you’re on the mend. You don’t need to thank me. Really.”

“You are an amazing doctor. I would have died without you.”

I was never good with praise and I didn’t want to be reminded of how close I’d come to losing her. I changed the subject.

“Everyone is looking forward to you coming home. The farm is looking great. It’s almost exactly how you left it. Alex and Shane have said that they’ll stay on an extra week or two until you feel strong enough to take over. Bear has put on a ton of weight since staying with Maru, she can’t stop giving him treats because he’s too cute. Everything is just fine.”

“And you...?”

“Me? Um, busy as always, chasing paperwork, keeping George off fried foods and Pam off the drink.”

“Harvey, that’s not what I meant.”

“I’m really fine.” 

“Okay.” She breathed disbelievingly.

We spent the rest of the journey mostly in silence, the hour’s journey almost interminable. In my mind I cursed James Kendrick. He’d rushed us into something that I wasn’t prepared to face with Jerusha yet and now it stood like a wall between us. Separating us. Bitter disappointment gnawed at me. Why had I let this happen? I had been right about this from the start, I didn’t deserve someone like Jerusha and now I had to wade through a whole station full of baggage before I was ready. Why couldn’t I just have this one thing? I didn’t want fortunes or a place in the history books. I had just wanted a shot at what everyone else around me had. Was that too much to ask? 

It seemed that it was.

We swung into Pelican Town at 7pm and I parked the truck outside Barrowbank Farm’s front door. I retrieved Jerusha’s bag from the back of the truck and carried it up the steps for her.

Turning to her I whispered, “I’m so glad you’re home. Have a lovely evening back on your beautiful farm. I’ll see you around sometime in the week. I’ve got to get Mayor Lewis’s truck back to him.”

It wasn’t a lie, I had told myself that I’d have Lewis’s truck back tonight. I could have taken it back to him in the morning, but I knew what was waiting inside the farmhouse for Jerusha’s return. The whole town had turned out to welcome her back and I couldn’t handle a socailgathering the way I was feeling.

I remembered just a week ago I stood on this same porch and told her I needed time. Now, I wanted time to go backwards, to have that moment again. To tell her I adored her and take her in my arms. To feel her lips on mine and her body pressed against me. I mentally shook myself. 

No use wishing. 

“Goodnight Jerusha”

“Harvey…” She reached for my hand. It was too much, I felt a rising panic.

“Please, I need to get back.”

“I see. Goodnight Harvey.”

I climbed into the truck, started the engine and drove away without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter today. Longer one tomorrow. Think there's about 2 chapters left. I'm writing a sequel , let me know if you'd like me to post it after this work! :)


	6. The older you get the more memories you're burdened with.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A ghost from Harvey's past walks into his clinic with an offer that he may find hard to turn down.

I didn’t see Jerusha again for another 2 weeks. I threw myself into my work. Keeping the clinic spotlessly, almost painfully sterile when I had no patients. I cleaned my apartment too. Found some bits and pieces from my old life that I decided to throw out, dusted everything thoroughly and cleaned from top to bottom. If I kept busy, I didn’t have to think about anything. 

I attended to the Egg Festival but in an official medical capacity only and with very little enthusiasm, but when there are children running around in a high state of excitement, there’ll always be something for me to do. Indeed, both Vincent and Jas skinned their knees that day, and required patching up. 

“Thank you, Dr Harvey,” said Jas, winding her small arms around my neck to give me a hug, after I cleaned up her grazed knee, “No problem sweetheart.” I replied, giving her a squeeze. “Oh no!” I exclaimed, pulling away from her, “Got your nose!” 

Jas folded her arms, “Dr Harvey, I’m 7 now. I know that’s your thumb."

“There’s no fooling you is there?” I laughed. “Miss Penny is doing a good job of teaching you all the important lessons. Now get going, they’re going to start the egg hunt any minute. Maybe this year you’ll be the winner! Good luck sweetheart.”

She danced away, joining Vincent and comparing knees with an earnest curiosity. 

I stood up and saw Jerusha at the top of the town square, staring. When she saw me, she shook herself mentally so hard, I could see it from where I was standing. I gave her a small wave, which she returned. I felt a twinge in my chest at this short interaction, but it didn’t last as she was pulled by the hand by Abigail to join in with the egg hunt, which of course, Abigail won, as she did every year without fail. 

That night I went over and over that short contact we’d had in my mind. Trying to give it some meaning or work out some arcane message that she could have been trying to tell me. In the end I decided it didn’t mean anything. Why would it? Seems like we’d missed our opportunity, friendship as well as the possibility of anything further was lost. I knew that I still had one promise to keep to her though. I intended to keep it. But how? 

There are always a few events every season in the valley. I didn’t much care for any of them. Large crowds left me feeling short of breath and extremely anxious, sometimes leading to a full-blown panic attack.

The Flower Dance was a week and a half away. I’d entertained the notion a couple of weeks ago that I would ask Jerusha to dance with me, but that seemed impossible now. 

It was actually a lovely event in a big open field. People gathered in twos and threes to chat and socialise. Pierre, always on the lookout for a money-making opportunity, had a stall. Gus as usual put on a huge spread. Couples got together for dancing and a flower queen was chosen from the town’s most beautiful. As usual I was there in case anyone needed me, and Maru would often dance with me, out of pity. She was my employee, but also a dear friend. I’d once harboured a small crush on her. It didn’t mean anything, and I hadn’t planned on acting on it, but it whiled away the hours in work and for a time gave my life a little bit of meaning. It hadn’t lasted long. I cherished her friendship and that with her family, not to mention my professional standing, too much to risk making a fool of myself over a much younger woman. 

I really didn’t want to go this year, but had to be there, in case of an emergency. I just hoped that it would go fast, and I could return to my routine. 

The Monday before the Festival I was manning the clinic. Most of the week I run the clinic alone, with Maru coming in Tuesdays and Thursdays to help. I only run the clinic in the mornings on the days Maru isn’t there. There simply aren’t enough residents in the town to merit me working all day every day. I am available 24 hours a day for emergencies and this seems to be fine with the townspeople. 

I was catching up on paperwork and had some soft music playing in the background when the door opened. I didn’t recognise the feminine shape that entered the clinic.  
It wasn’t until she stood in front of the desk and smiled shyly at me that I stood up and recognised her, “M- Megan?” 

“Hi Harvey.” She said. 

I gulped hard. Losing the power to speak.

“James told me he saw you.”

I groaned inwardly. Of course.

“It’s great to see you again Harvey. It’s been too long.”

My head was spinning. It felt like the world tilted on its axis and was trying to knock me off my feet. I sat down suddenly in the office chair behind the counter, fighting a rising panic attack.

“What, what do you want Megan? Why are you here, after all this time?”

She smiled softly at me. Her light brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, just the lightest touch of make-up, she was a little older than I remembered her, but then, weren’t we all? She looked good, put together, relaxed and happy. The very opposite of me currently. 

“Just wanted to see how you are doing darling. You look well. The moustache suits you.” She strokes my face and the years fall away, I lean into the touch briefly, before the memories of what happened to us came flooding back. 

It’s too much. My brain is overloaded, the events of the last few weeks, the gains, the awful losses crash into my mind wave on wave and I’m drowning in it all, losing my breath under the weight of it all. I start hyperventilating, breath coming in tortured gasps. 

Megan leans over the counter and touches my shoulder, speaking in a calm, even tone “Baby, where are your meds?”

“Coat.” I jerk my head towards the coat rack.

She searches my coat for my pills and fills a cup of water from the cooler.

“Here you go baby”

Megan comes round into the office space, places a calming hand on my back and gives me 2 pills. She takes the water from my shaking hand after I’ve swallowed the tablets. 

Slowly, gradually, I started to calm down. 

She rakes her fingers through my hair, talking soft nonsense until my breathing starts to regulate. “I should have called first, you’ll be fine, I’m here.”

It takes a good 25 minutes until I can speak again, I apologise, still gasping slightly, “Sorry. Everything has been a bit much this season.”

“It’s fine.” She says softly, taking my hand in hers. “I thought you might be better since the therapy.”

“I am. I’m much better that I was. Like I said, it’s been a tough season.”

“James told me. Said you almost lost a patient?”

I gulp. I didn’t want to discuss Jerusha with anyone, least of all Megan. Struggling to keep control as my breathing starts to quicken again. Megan’s thumb strokes my palm in small circles

“Yeah. Yes. She’s fine though. Back home only a little the worse for wear.”

“And where are you getting your meds?” There’s a hint of suspicion in the question which makes me hesitate, “Harvey?”

I look her in the eye, “From Grampleton, the next town over. A fellow MD there prescribes for me. She’s a life saver. Megan?”

“Yes baby?” 

“I- I think I need to lie down.”

“Of course, honey. You must be exhausted. Is there a bed in the clinic, or would you like to go back to your apartment? Is it far?”

“I’ll go and lie down in the clinic. There’s a bed there I can use.” I lied. I couldn’t have Megan in my apartment, in my safe space. I’d just cleared out the last of her from my life, found the strength to do that and now…

“I’ll let you rest and I'll come back when you're rested. I could use a coffee. Is there somewhere close by?” 

I nodded, “Stardrop Saloon, across the square.”

She touched my face with the back of her hand, “I’ll be an hour. Try and get some sleep.”

“Keys are here, under the counter. Let yourself back in when you’re done.”

“Thanks baby.”

She shut the door gently behind her and I was left in the waiting room. Head spinning. 

I dragged myself up the stairs to my apartment and put on an old T-shirt and pajama bottoms and crawled into my own bed. I didn’t want to ever get up again. I wished that by drawing the duvet over my head, I could make everything go away. But since when had that worked?

I did manage to sleep a little, my body exhausted by the panic attack, before being woken by a throbbing headache. 

I opened my side table drawer for Tylenol, but no luck.

I padded downstairs to the clinic, knowing that Maru kept some under the counter. Locating them, I took them with the rest of the water that Megan had left on the countertop.

The clinic door opened. Megan entered, carrying two coffees and two take out parcels. “Hey sweetie” She said gently as she put her goods down on the counter, “Yoba, I can’t believe you still have that T-shirt. Still looks good on you.”

“Di – did you buy this for me?” The garment suddenly became uncomfortable as if it had gained an extra 50 pounds in weight. I pulled at the neck, “I’d completely forgotten.”

“Yeah, when we went to the Zuzu food festival,”

The T-shirt had a bunch of cartoon fruit on it. I’d only ever worn it for bed and couldn’t believe that I’d overlooked it in my clear out. So much for being thorough. 

“I got us food.” She gives me that charming smile I remember so well. 

“Thanks?” I stammer. 

Harvey, is there somewhere private we can go to talk? I don’t feel comfortable here and I imagine, since you’ve changed clothes that you ‘ve got an apartment here.”

Yoba help me, there’s no way out. 

“Yeah,” I hear myself say, “It’s very small though” I indicated to the doors that led to the stairs, “After you.”

The panicked feeling is coming back. Megan, here. In my apartment. I had decided that I was never going to see her again a long time ago. And yet, here she was. Looking around my tiny bedsitting room, with a wry smile on her lips.

“Still making the models hm?”

My hand goes to the back of my neck, “Yeah, y’know, it helps me relax.”

“I remember.” She smiles. She sets out the food and the drinks containers on the small table and settles herself on one of the chairs after gently clearing away my model making materials.

She pushes some food across the table to me and pats on the adjacent chair. 

“Still take your coffee black?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Megan started eating while I picked at the food. Gus’s spaghetti was one of my favourites, but today, it was difficult to force down more than a couple mouthfuls. 

“Mmmm,” Said Megan, closing her eyes, “This is heavenly! How have you managed to keep so slender when food like this is just across the square? I’m going to take that bartender back to Zuzu with me, he’ll make a fortune!” 

I pushed the food around with my fork, thinking about the last time someone had shared a meal with me. I didn’t realise Megan was still talking.

“Harvey?” 

“Oh, yes? Sorry!”

“I was asking you about your life!” She laughs and touches my face again, “You were miles away.” I’m starting to resent her easy touch.

“There’s not much to tell, really. There’re only about 40 residents here, so it’s mainly general practice. Pretty quiet, but it’s a really nice town and I’ve grown to like it here.”

“And… relationship-wise? Anything happening there?”

I look at her sharply. That’s none of her business. I sigh, “Megan, I’m going to ask again. Why are you here? I don’t see or hear from you for 7 years and then you turn up on my doorstep.”

For the first time the smile fades from her face and her eyes look away to somewhere I can’t follow.

“I lost the baby,” she says simply. 

“Yoba Megan. I'm so sorry to hear that, It must have been awful”

“Stillbirth. Yeah, that was tough. Going through that alone.”

I feel sick. This stark revelation is shocking and it’s dredging up all sorts of memories of the past. 

“What about…” I still couldn’t bear to say his name, “The father?”

“Ugh. A waste of space.” There's a story there, but she doesn't want to share.

There is an uncomfortable silence between us. 

“Harvey. Baby, do you ever think about us? We made a good team didn’t we?”

She’s moved her chair closer to mine, slipping her hand over my hand, she comes close to my face. I can smell her perfume, unchanged since all those years ago, though whether this is coincidence or art, I was never able to ascertain. Her breath smells like coffee. “We could have that again.” She lowers her eyes, her lashes laying on her cheek. 

For a moment, I’m intoxicated. Memories come flooding back. Our apartment in Zuzu, her arms around my neck, her sweet kisses. The feel of the warmth of her.

She leans in kisses me softly on the lips. For the briefest of moments, I don’t resist. It’s sweet and familiar, the world drops away and Yoba, it would be so easy to fall into this. So easy to just go with this flow and give up. Retrieve everything I’d lost and pick up where we left off. 

Her hand is on my chest, moves down to my stomach and then under the waistband of my pajamas. An image of Jerusha flashes through my mind. 

I stand up too quickly, knocking over my chair, one hand on the table to steady myself. Reality crashes in. My panicked breathing threatening to overwhelm again. “No.” 

“Baby?” 

“Megan, please, please don’t call me that. You threw this away, not me. It’s taken me years to get over what happened, and I can’t pick it all up again. I’ll never be able to get past what happened.”

“Harvey,” She says gently, I’m thankful that’s she’s stopped with the endearments, “I hate bringing up the past, but you weren’t exactly in a great place either. Can’t we just – start again? Clean slate?”

I sigh, deeply. In the early days, I’d dreamed of this moment. Of her returning to me, begging for me to take her back, it had taken me years to get to this point where I was ready to move on, “Megan. I’m sorry. You told me that that baby was mine. I believed you. You gave me a thread of hope I needed after – everything. I don’t know if you ever realised how that broke me further. That was partly what led to…”

“Don’t do that Harvey, that wasn’t my fault!”

“I know. I know. I made stupid decisions, but what happened was a part of that. I forgave you long ago, but I can’t ever, ever, forget what you did to me.” 

Tears are rolling down her face and I feel terrible. I always hated to see her cry. I could feel a pricking at the corners of my eyes, and to my surprise, I was also crying. Crying for what we had, what we’d lost and how anything between us was irretrievable. 

“Oh Yoba, Harvey. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have come here. When James told me he’d seen you, I was reminded of what we had. How happy we were. I just wanted a little taste of that again. I’m sorry.” 

I fold my arms around her, “You’ll always have a special place in my life Megan. And you’re right.”

She looks at me, “We were a good team.” I try to smile through the tears.

We’re both crying and we stay like that for a while entwined in each other’s arms.

At last Megan sits back and wipes her eyes with the end of her sleeve. I grab her a tissue from the kitchen and take one for myself.

“I’m sorry Harvey, I’ve made a bit of a fool of myself.”

“Nonsense.” I reassure her. “It’s fine.”

“I’d better go. It’s getting dark, and you know how much I hate driving at night.”

I allowed myself a small chuckle, echoing her previous words, “I remember.”

I escort her to the front door of the clinic and pause after opening the door, “You know Megan. It was actually good to see you. I feel like we have some closure. But please, do me one favour?”

“Anything Harvey.”

“I… I can’t see you again. I need to live my life.” I say it as kindly as I can, but I mean it, “I won’t spend my life in the past. I have to move on. YOU have to move on."

We take a long last look in each other’s eyes, before she speaks tearfully, “Goodbye Harvey.”

She places her arms around my neck for the last time and we stay like that for a long moment. Then she walks out of my life for good.

I watch her go then realise there’s a figure in the square watching everything. 

Marnie. 

I feel another panic attack coming on. (Can’t I just get one single break?) It’ll be all over town tomorrow. Marnie has never been able to keep her mouth shut, and this was the kind of gossip she lived for. 

Blushing furiously, and breathing hard, I closed the door and withdrew into my apartment, discarding the T-shirt in the clinic trash.


	7. I'm working up the courage to ask someone to dance with me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! Harvey is in troublem-with everyone it seems, but he is only obliged to Jerusha to make it right.

Tuesday dawns with a heavy but short-lived downpour. Maru makes it to work, but her umbrella is blown inside-out and she’s soaked.

I make her a hot tea and fix myself a coffee.

I didn’t think we’d get any visitors that morning with the weather being so dreadful, so I settled down in the warm waiting room with the usual paperwork. Sitting in companionable silence while Maru worked at something on the computer.

“Harvey?”

“Yep?”

“Can I ask you something personal?”

“Eeeeerrr, depends what it is. Try me and I’ll tell you whether I want to discuss it or not.”

“Actually, it’s two questions. What happened with you and Jerusha?”

“Nope.” The pain on hearing her name was almost physical.

“Okay, second question. Did you have a female visitor here last night?”

Lightly, “Yep.”

Maru opens her mouth to ask more, but I stop her, “That’s two questions Maru, that’s your limit for today. I’m afraid.”

“But…”

I sigh dramatically, “I don’t make the rules. I just enforce them.”

She throws a stress ball at my head, which I manage to duck. 

“Okay, you don’t want to talk, that’s fine. I just wanted to say that I thought you and Jerusha were perfect for each other.”

I run a hand through my hair, “Well, the universe had other plans.”

“Ah, the mysterious dark lady.” 

“No Maru. She’s got nothing to do with it.”

“Marnie seemed to think it did.”

“Well, she would.”

“Said you were kissing on the doorstep. Said that she couldn’t believe you’d shacked up with someone else when everyone thought you and Jerusha were dating.”

“What? Oh Yoba, please, tell me she didn’t say we were kissing? That’s the last thing that was happening.”

Maru shrugged, “That’s what she said.”

Weirdly enough, I’d woken this morning feeling like part of my burden had been lifted. As if the shadow that overhung the events between Megan and I had dispersed. I had started to feel more optimistic about the future, even if it didn’t involve Jerusha, now Marnie was threatening to create a scandal around it. 

I had to see Jerusha before Marnie did. 

“Maru? Can you look after the clinic for a bit? I’ve got something I need to do.”

“Are you going to see Jerusha?”

I gulped, “Yes”

Maru fist pumped the air, “Yes! Go Doc!”

“Thanks.” I manage to say before heading out the door, forgetting my coat, my keys and my phone.

Thankfully, Maru chases after me with my things. It wouldn’t do for an emergency to happen and for me to be unavailable because I’m going on a romantic errand.

I sprint to the Farm and arrive out of breath. The rain has stopped and the sun is out. I was greeted by Bear. I hadn’t seen the dog since that night I walked Jerusha home, but he greeted me like long lost family.

“Hey boy,” I said scratching behind his ears. 

Jerusha is in the field in front of the property, when she sees me, she stands up from where she is digging up potatoes, shading her eyes against the sun to see why the dog had run off so enthusiastically.

The sight of her takes my breath away. Yoba, she looks stunning. Dark hair, loose, trails over her shoulders, her face is slightly flushed, partly from the effort of farm work, and partly due to the sun, her red lips slightly apart.

“Harvey?”

“Jerusha!” 

She puts down her basket of crops and makes her way to where I’m standing.

She stands in front of me, a little distance away. I suddenly wonder what I’m doing here. What I’m going to say to her. I’m not one for grand romantic gestures, that’s for more confident men than me. I want to take her in my arms and kiss her, do something to show her my depth of feeling. Instead, automatically, I rub the back of my neck, uncertainty completely overwhelming me. 

Jerusha sighs, “What do you need Harvey? I’m a little busy, and I hear you’ve got a lot to occupy you right now”

Damn.

“Was- was Marnie here?”

She nods curtly, “Harvey, why didn’t you tell me?” I thought we had a better friendship than that. I’ve been waiting for you to speak to me for weeks…. It felt like you were ignoring me and now I think you may have been?”

I stare at her, swallowing hard.

“Why did you lead me on? Why did you tell me you wanted to take it slow? Why did you tell me that we’d just be friends? Were you trying to let me down gently? How long did you have another woman lined up for?”

I feel like I’ve been dunked in ice-cold water, “I… what? I thought you didn’t want more than friendship after you spoke to James!”

“No! You said you wanted to talk to me and then you never did! Who is she Harvey? Please, it’s not fair to do this to me.”

I cross the distance between us in a couple of strides and hold her. She’s crying. Yoba, I’ve held two crying women in two days now. 

I raise her face to mine and speak gently, “Jerusha, you deserve to know everything. I owe you that much. Let’s go somewhere we can talk?”

I want to make sure that no-one will disturb us, so we walk into town to my favourite isolated spot by the river. I sit down on the grass, patting the ground to indicate that she should get comfortable. 

She has stopped crying now, I’m glad to say, and she sits down on the grass keeping a distance from me. It stings, but I completely understand her reticence.

“Jerusha, this will be really hard for me. I’ve never spoken to anyone about these matters all at once, except my therapist. It’s a lot - so please, just give me one indulgence and let me get through the whole thing?”

She nods, but I can tell that she is uncomfortable.

“I want to assure you that I’m not trying to absolve myself of any sins. I take full responsibility for everything in my past. I also don’t want your sympathy. I’m not expecting anything of you. I had the most wonderful few days thinking you were interested in me. I can’t remember the last time I was so happy. I made a promise to you to tell you everything and I’m making good on that promise. But you are under no obligation to me at all. I mean that Jerusha.”

She nods again. 

I look away from her and gaze at the clouds scudding across the blue sky. Then I draw a deep breath. Close my eyes and begin.

“I told you my parents died. My mum died when I was two years old. Cancer. I don’t remember anything about her. But after she died, my father took me back to England. We lived in a tiny house and he slowly but surely destroyed himself with drink and depression. I don’t think he could cope without my mum. He wasn’t deliberately cruel to me, but his neglect is one of the few things I do remember about him. He’d go missing for days and there would never be food in the house. My clothes were dirty, I never washed. My hair was left matted and long. I was bullied mercilessly at school. It- it wasn’t his fault, but he didn’t want to live any more. It took him 5 years to die.”

I take another deep breath. Trying to still my emotions.

“After the funeral, I was taken into care. Foster home after foster home. I dreamed of being a pilot so I could fly away from there. Eventually, one of Dad’s relatives tracked me down and took me in. For the first time I had a stable home life. My Aunt Amy cleaned me up, instilled in me the importance of education and allowed me to be who I wanted to be. She was the one who comforted me when I found out my eyes weren’t good enough to become a pilot. She got me through my exams and when I told her that I’d been accepted into Zuzu University to study medicine, she was so proud."

“It was weird and scary moving back to the Ferngill Republic. However, because of my background I had a lot of help and a full scholarship, which I was intensely grateful for. I worked hard, had a job at weekends, and got good grades, was never top of the class, but always came near.”

I paused. This next part was going to be tough.

“It was at Zuzu that I met Megan. The woman Marnie saw me with last night. We were in a lot of the same classes together and we got together the Christmas of my third year. By the fifth year, we’d moved in together and were planning a life. She wanted to go into psychiatry, have her own practice, while I was always destined for general practice. I wanted to marry her. We graduated. Aunt Amy flew all the way from Manchester. Yoba, she was so proud.” 

“I was working a residency at Zuzu Hospital when the war with Gotoro started. It’s a while since the war started and I don’t know if you remember that they drafted people then? We were expected to give a year of our lives to the Republic.”

I heard a small sound of assent from Jerusha, almost inaudible, but it meant she was still there and still listening.

“I was learning how to heal and help people and the government wanted me to go out and kill fellow humans. I couldn’t do it. I became a conscientious objector. Megan was appalled. She knew my reasons but couldn’t respect my decision. It’s for that reason Kent doesn’t like me, by the way.” 

“I was tried in front of a military tribunal, and sentenced to 6 months, on the day before my birthday. I went to a military prison and put in with some of the most violent prisoners. I think it was to teach other COs a lesson.”

Here I drew a deep breath. Jerusha had to know everything. But would I have the strength to get through this?

“I was beaten on my first night. I was in the prison hospital for a week. Because I told the prison staff which prisoners had beaten me, my life wasn’t worth anything. I was beaten often and… and”

I stopped. I wasn’t sure I could carry on. Then a small hand curled into mine and squeezed very lightly.

“Let’s just say I spent a lot of time in the hospital. When I left prison I was a wreck. I’d always had anxiety, but now it was worse. I couldn’t speak to anyone, couldn’t sleep. I had nightmares when I did sleep and panic attacks over the smallest things."

"I had one piece of good news, though. Megan told me she, she was pregnant, and I was going to be a father. I was so happy, it was the turning point I thought I needed. She was around seven months into the pregnancy when I left jail and I planned to propose and make a life for us. She led me on for another month and then confessed. She’d been cheating on me for, Yoba knows how long. She couldn’t deal with the decisions I’d made and found herself someone else. We broke up. I couldn’t take the betrayal along with everything else.”

“I was such a mess that I did something unforgiveable. I wasn’t coping, with work, at home, anything. A slamming door would send me spiralling into a panic attack. I started medicating myself with drugs from the hospital pharmacy. Writing out unauthorised prescriptions and using the meds to deal with my PTSD and anxiety. James Kendrick was the one who found out. I was hauled to another tribunal, almost lost my licence. That’s how I ended up here in the Valley. I kept my licence, but I was sent somewhere quiet and out of the way. I have grown to love it here. It suits me and I’m much better than I was. I’ve had years of therapy in Grampleton but I still take anxiety meds.”

“When Marnie saw me last night, Megan had turned up to the clinic out of the blue. She was looking to rekindle our relationship after speaking to James. Jerusha, Yoba forgive me, for a moment I considered it.”

I heard a sharp intake of breath from Jerusha beside me. I ploughed on, I had promised.

“She ended up kissing me and for a moment I reciprocated but all I could see in my mind’s eye was you and a possible future with you. I realised that after all these years, I had no feelings for her. I told her to leave. We were both crying. I asked her never to come back. I hugged her goodbye and that was it. The hug was what Marnie saw on the doorstep, but I swear to you nothing else happened.”

I exhaled a shaky breath, “And that’s it. Now you know more about me than anyone else.”

I am gasping slightly, trying to regulate my breathing. Jerusha’s hand was still in mine and I felt her move closer to me. The warmth of her body leaning into my arm. 

“Harvey.” Jerusha breathed, “You’ve been through so much”

“It hasn’t been the easiest ride, I’ll admit.” I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to steady my breathing. It felt good to have everything out in the open, but retelling the story was never easy.

While my eyes were shut, I felt a pair of lips gently press to mine. Snapping open my eyes, Jerusha is just pulling away, looking into my eyes as if trying to find something there.

“Harvey,” she whispered, then leaned in to kiss me again. I found myself reciprocating, the kiss becoming more and more involved, as I combed my fingers through her hair. Yoba, this is what I’ve wanted, needed for so long, and it is so sweet. But, I can’t break this moment, in case this is a goodbye.

Eventually, she broke the spell. Her hand is resting on my chest and she’s looking into my eyes again.

“Harvey, let’s start again. Can we? Forget everything that went before, fresh start for us both, for this relationship. We got off on all the wrong feet, and now I know all you’ve been through, I want to give you everything you’ve missed out on. Unconditional love, a chance to be the person that I know you are. I’m interested in the man I see now, not the mistakes of your past, I see the caring, dedicated doctor, who works so hard with little thanks, loves his job and,” She smiles, looking fondly into my eyes, “is great with kids.”

I can’t break eye contact with her gorgeous grey eyes, Yoba, she means every word she says. This sweet, generous, full-hearted woman is willing to give me a second chance. Willing to overlook everything in my past, all our misunderstandings and give me everything I’ve ever wanted. She’s so beautiful, inside and out, she takes my breath away. In that moment, I vow to myself to do everything in my power to protect, cherish and love this woman and to make her life as happy as she deserves it to be. 

I pull her up with me into a sitting position, “You’re willing to do all that? Jerusha, I’m not sure I’m worth it, there are so many other bachelors in the valley and…”

“Harvey, shush.” She lays a hand on my cheek and moves her face closer to mine, “Just let this happen. Let’s not worry about the future, we’ll take it one day at a time. Just enjoy what we have and don’t question it. I’m not interested in anyone else in the town, I want to explore with you and no-one else. And we’ll take it at your pace, no rushing you into anything you’re not ready for.”

My heart is beating faster than I thought possible. I lean my forehead to hers, “Thank you Jerusha. A fresh start is exactly what I need. I’m so excited about getting the chance to make you happy and I’ll work so hard to give you the best life I can offer.”

“Harvey.” She breathes. I love the way she says my name. She smiles and my heart flips. 

“Dance with me at the Flower Dance tomorrow?” I don’t know where that came from, I’d never been that bold before, but Jerusha gave me the strength to be more than I thought I could be.

“Wouldn’t dream of dancing with anyone else.” She murmurs 

“Not even Shane?” I tease, kissing her hair.

“Yoba, no! That man’s a hot mess, he needs to sort himself out before anyone gets involved with him. He’ll figure it out one day and I’m sure there’s a girl for him out there, but you’re the only man here I’ve any interest in.”

I kiss her forehead, “Mmm, I like the sound of that.” Relief floods over me. I've seen her spending lots of time with Shane.

“Sorry to interrupt you, young people.”

Both Jerusha and I jump at the sound of another human’s voice. It’s Evelyn, wheeling George for a lunchtime turn around the square. 

“I saw Marnie heading over this way and the way she’s been obsessing over you both for the last 24 hours, you might want not want to have another encounter with her just now.”

“Yoba, thanks for the heads-up Evelyn.” I gasp, getting up and brushing the grass from my trousers. I extend my hand to Jerusha to help her up. 

“I’d better be getting back to the clinic, I’ve left Maru there alone and it’s way past her lunch hour.”

“I’ve got to get back too, farm work never ends! But I’ll see you at the Flower Festival tomorrow right?”

I smile, “Wouldn’t miss it.” 

She gives me a quick peck on the lips, “Thank you for telling me. We’ll work everything out, don’tworry. I’ll miss you.”

Jerusha takes the path towards Cindersap Forest and I reluctantly turn back to the town square.

“I’m happy for you both Doc.” Says George, in an uncharacteristically friendly manner. 

“Me too George. Thanks again for the warning Evelyn, I’ll see you both tomorrow at the dance.”

I pop into the saloon on the way back to clinic and order Maru’s favourite lunch to go, with a can of Joja Cola.

“I’m so sorry I was such a long time, Maru.” I plead with her as I enter the clinic, “Peace offering?”

“Are you joking? Harvey, WHAT HAPPENED?”

I hand the boxed pizza and cola to her, breezily replying. “Whatever do you mean?” 

“Harvey, don’t do that to me! Are you and Jerusha on or not?”

“Oh, it’s most definitely on.” I allow myself a broad smile.

“DOC!” Maru screams and bounds out from behind the counter to hug me, “Yoba, I was sure you’d messed it up! I’m so happy for you! She’s amazing, you’d better treat her right.” 

She breaks the embrace to frown at me.

“Don’t worry Maru, I mean to. I’ll do everything in my power to make her happy.” 

“You’re going to be so brilliant together! Wait until I tell Mom!”

“Um Maru, can you not? I swear that everyone will know tomorrow, but until then, I’d like to keep it under wraps. Just for one night, Maru, please?”

She frowns, and just for a moment, I think she may be genuinely angry at me. But she laughs, “Well, seeing as how you brought me lunch, I guess I can let you off until tomorrow – wait! It’s the Flower Festival tomorrow! Are you going to dance with Jerusha? Oh, for the love of Yoba please, please tell me you are!”

“Maru! That’s exactly what’s happening, but you have to keep it a secret! Only until tomorrow!”

“Yoba’s eyebrows Doc, you’re killing me! But anything to make sure you and Jerusha get together properly!

She hugs me again, and I realise I’m laughing – actually laughing, for the first time in what feels like years. 

Tomorrow is going to be a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. I enjoyed writing it.


End file.
